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Tio Wally Eats America: Lumberjacks Restaurant

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Redding, California.

Greetings from Redding, California
N 40° 34.246’ W 122° 21.7406’ Elev. 541 feet

The yacht developed engine issues. In motorhead-speak: the tension adjuster failed, causing the serpentine (fan) belt to fray within an inch of its life. As a result my evil twin Skippy and I got to enjoy another motel adventure. Thankfully it’s quite a bit warmer — 70°+ — this time.

The last time we were dry docked we stayed in a funky motel that we rather enjoyed. It was New Year’s Eve and quite festive. This time not so much.

(If you’d like a chuckle, click on “festive,” scroll down to the comments section and read the time-delayed shit storm the post unleashed. One of the commenters actually implied I could get shot! Shot! But doggone it, Clem, you jus’ gots ta admit them thar Kemmererites is some darn nice folk.)

Suffice to say the motel, which shall remain nameless (Redding-South Motel 6), was not the Waldorf-Astoria. While it lacked the charm of, say, the Antlers in Kemmerer, it did have some interesting features, like the world’s most thought-out bottle opener and super-duper ultra-high-speed internet, among other memorable amenities.

During the ride to the motel the cabbie, Roadrunner Keith, told me about a nearby restaurant he had breakfasted at once. He said he thought it was over-priced … until his plate came. That sounded pretty good so we went and had breakfast for dinner.

03 Redding_lumberjack

Lumberjacks appeared to be a theme restaurant. Despite the log-construction decor and assorted saws and saw blades displayed along the walls, not to mention the over-caricatured French-Canadian mini-Paul Bunyan statue greeting you at the front door with an cocked-and-ready axe in his hand — Yikes!! — I couldn’t really discern exactly what the theme was. It’s very subtle. After very little thought I decided it must be an homage to the 1968-70 ABC teebee series Here Come the Brides.

Lumberjacks Restaurant bills itself as “Where the BIG BOYS eat!” After hearing what Roadrunner Keith had to say, I had to order the same breakfast he’d had: the Country Smoked Ham breakfast, a bone-in ham steak, two eggs, hash browns and toast ($9.49). I also got a side of country gravy that pretty much sucked.

13 Redding_plate

The ham steak was nearly a half-inch thick and covered about half of the 15” oval plate. It was sweet, somewhat smokey, and not the least bit salty. Indeed, it may well be one of the best ham steaks I’ve ever had. The slightly over-cooked eggs (I ordered over-easy) and hash browns were passable. A redeeming factor, however, was that they had assorted Smucker’s jellies and orange marmalade for my sourdough toast.

They have some interesting things on the menu, like banana-nut bread French Toast (“Our banana nut Loaf sliced and dipped in our French Toast batter”, $7.99). I had a dream about it that night wherein the waitress kept telling me that I had to really like banana-nut bread because, once I got it, I would be stuck with it. I’m still not sure if the dream was frightening or not, but it woke me up.

They also had some really nice looking pies and cakes, which I never did find on the menu. One of them was a gargantuan, truly colossal chocolate cake that I thought I’d get a slice of to go.

A slice of the behemoth, served with two scoops of ice cream and related sugar delivery systems, cost $8, according to the waitress. But what if you only want a slice of it? “We can only sell it with the rest of the stuff,” the waitress explained. WTF? How stupid is that? So I pleaded and cajoled, eventually dropping myself prone on the pine-colored carpet kicking and screaming “I just want a slice!”. Sorry, she said.

Although the cake looked great, I had to wonder: Who in their right mind would order a dessert that would outrival the giant meal they just ate? Not me. Or Skippy.

And so we roll.

Lumberjacks Restaurant, 501 E. Cypress, Redding, California
and eight other locations scattered throughout north-central California and one in Las Vegas, Nevada

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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Tio Wally Eats America: Five Guys Burgers and Fries

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Richland, Washington.

Greetings from Richland, Washington
GPS 46.258787, -119.310578 Elev. 518 feet

A recent YouGov survey found Burger King and Five Guys Burgers and Fries tied for “Best Burger.” Am I missing something? Methinks the BK crowd has never been to a Five Guys.

My daughter once described Five Guys as “The Subway of … wait, that’s a bad comparison. They’re the Quiznos … no, wait. You get to choose whatever you want on your burger. So they’re kind of like Chipotle but it’s burgers instead of burritos. They’re my favorite.”

With that in mind I went and met Five Guys and their burgers. And they are awesome. A little pricey but awesome. I loved it so much I had to go back again — I was actually jonesin’ for a FGs burger and I’m not a burger guy — with the kids (daughter, son-in-law and grandson) in tow for another fix.

05 Five Guys_fixins

She nailed the quintessence of the place with the selection aspect. There are 15 different options to put on your burger. It could conceivably take you some time to decide exactly what you want. That may be why FGs provides free salted in-the-shell peanuts to fiddle with while you figure it out. I thought that was a great touch because, well, I really like places classy enough to have peanut shells on the floor.

Once you opt your options your burger is made to order. When your burger is finished they put it on a square piece of aluminum foil (a wee bit of aluminium wrap if you’re from the Commonwealth), fold it diagonally corner-to-corner, then corner-to-corner again, give it a spin and, voilà, your burger is encased in what now roughly resembles a metal cylinder worthy of the prop shop for Plan 9 From Outer Space.

13 Five Guys_burger

I ordered a regular Cheeseburger ($6.49), with mustard, ketchup, mayo, tomato, onion and grilled mushrooms. The older kids ordered Little Bacon Cheeseburgers ($5.79) with various fixins, and regular drinks ($2.19) they got from a high-tech sugar-water dispenser. We also got a regular order of fries ($3.49).

When ordering at Five Guys one needs to know basic things. For example, a regular burger is a double burger; the “little” is a single patty. And a regular size fry will feed three adults.

08 Five Guys_potaoo sack

The fries are great. Skin-on, fried in peanut oil. That they’re served in a paper bag is a nice touch as it soaks up any excess oil. Five Guys may take great pride in their fries. They are great! They even have a sign on the wall informing you where that day’s spuds came from. (The aforementioned survey had McDouches, er, McDonalds fries at number one. Baffling.) And the kids did something I’d never seen before. They added malt vinegar to the little cup of ketchup to cut the sweetness. Brilliant, I thought. And incredibly tasty! Ah, the wonders of ketchup.

The burgers are, I think, nonpareil. All the toppings are free, the burgers are cooked to perfection, the veggies are fresh, ripe, and they have grilled mushrooms — Grilled Mushrooms! It’s impossible to go wrong. But I did, of course. I forgot to ask them to grill the bun. I suspect they would do that for me. Next time.

My son-in-law eats FGs burgers with a knife and fork. He says they’re messy. There could be a reason he thinks this but I dunno. My Punkin’ on the other hand holds her burger with two hands, just like dear old dad. Of course, to be fair, her beard is removable.

I’ve had many burgers in my life, including Back Yard Burgers, which are very similar to Five Guys’, and In•N•Out Burgers. I like FGs burgers better; I’d like them more if they were about a dollar cheaper. I’m still baffled that Five Guys tied with Burger King in the survey; third place for burgers, after Wendy’s(?), was In•N•Out Burgers).

While I may think Five Guys has a better burger than Burger King, the thick, creamy, malty goodness of an In•N•Out milkshake (not rated) was noticeably missing. Oh well.

And so we roll.

Five Guys Burgers and Fries, 2671 Queensgate, Richland, Washington
and 1,000+ locations throughout the United States and Commonwealth member states, like Canada, eh, and the United Kingdom.

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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Tio Wally Eats America: Rolling Hills Casino

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Corning, California.

Greetings from Corning, California
N 39° 52.4549’ W 122° 12.1464’ Elev. 289 feet

If you’ve ever been to a crappy Indian Casino you quickly discovered that, for the most part, the staff couldn’t possibly care less whether you were there or not. Indeed, you got the feeling that in a perfect world you would just phone in your money.

That said, Rolling Hills Casino is an unusual place. It’s owned by the Paskenta Band of the Nomiaki Indians. Ever heard of ‘em? Me neither. There are 102 recognized tribes in California so your ignorance is excused.

What makes Rolling Hills unusual is that it’s incredibly friendly: you actually feel welcomed! It ain’t a bit like certain all-the-better-unnamed Native American-owned entities I’ve visited (Sky City in Acoma, New Mexico) where they are hell-bent on making your experience as miserable as Europeans have made theirs. Past genocides aside, the vibe at Rolling Hills is warm and inviting. And the food is great.

I’ve eaten at the buffet here a number of times. Heck, until I looked at their website I didn’t know that they had another restaurant. I guess that ‘splains why I’ve always eaten at the buffet. And while the food is somewhat predictable (not a bad thing), it’s always great and the service is nothing short of impeccable.

I stopped in on a Sunday for lunch ($11.95 minus $1 for being over 50). On Tuesdays and Thursdays the over 50 set get 50% off, and they serve great prime rib every night! ($16.95 … minus 50% … I’ll get back to you). Why can’t I get here on a Tuesday or Thursday? Karma, I suspect.

04 RH_roast beef

They had roast beef and baked turkey carving stations for lunch, along with the mostly usual fare. I tended to focus on just a few things because, let’s face it, I’m old and I can’t eat that much. But I’m alway game for the “day’s surprise.”

The unexpected thing they offered was baked Ruby Red Trout. It was quite good, especially considering I’m not a freshwater fish fan. Admittedly, I screwed up with it. I should’ve put a couple of good squeezes of fresh lemon on it. While I’m not sure it would’ve taken the “fishy” away — freshwater fish always tastes fishy to me — I suspect it would’ve enhanced it many-fold.

The roast beef was incredible. The first piece I had was thin-sliced, a little pink, and perfect. Dipped in au jus it was pretty damn close to prime rib. Next time I’ll get some horseradish and really do it up right.

Other interesting, far-above-par things they offered were an awesome broccoli salad, amazing little potato thangies, and the best cornbread this side of … you tell me.

The broccoli salad had a somewhat sweet dressing. Along with the obligatory broccoli, the salad contained the wonderful additions of ripe, sweet red grapes, golden raisins and many, many pieces of quality just-like-I-like-it wilty bacon. This stuff warranted seconds and thirds.

The potato thangies were really interesting. I first thought they were the largest, most misshapen fried okras I’d ever seen. (I wasn’t wearing my glasses. The world is a much different and, often, a much more interesting place when I can’t really see.) I eventually discovered the smushed Tater-Tots’ unique properties. The mini-hockey pucks o’ spuds had jalapeño in them! I suspect that had I been wearing my glasses I could’ve read the little sign — they’ve got them above every dish — and known what the hell I was eating. Alas, no. Then again “The world is a much different and, often, a much more interesting place when I can’t really see.”

And the cornbread? Ah, the cornbread. I am a cornbread aficionado, a cornbread freak. And this cornbread was heavenly. I grabbed corner slices, with the crusty edges. I sliced it in half, added butter, closed it, and waited for the butter to start melting. Then I spread that supernal salted butterfat, took a bite, and swooned. I really did. Really. Really!

They offer a complete line of beverages. They even have chocolate milk! I also grabbed a can of tomato juice leftover from the breakfast buffet just because. Mmm, chocolate milk and tomato juice.

25 RH_dessert2

Without a doubt the Rolling Hills Casino Buffet offers more desserts than Carter’s has pills. They’ve got cream pies, pie pies, cakes, cobblers, those weird little puff pastries that always look good until you eat them and quickly discover they suck. That they really, really suck. Unforgivably, they also did not have pumpkin pie replete with gobs of whipped cream. They had soft-serve ice cream but it’s not the same without pumpkin pie.

I don’t know if this means anything but … most of the people working there are palefaces. Could it be that the Tribe let its members eat at the buffet for free and they are all now obese, diabetic, missing feet and, perhaps, reduced to surveying their ancestral homeland from a Hoveround®?

With that in mind, I had a single piece of cheesecake for dessert. It was very, very good.

And so we roll.

Rolling Hills Casino, 2655 Everett Freeman Way, Corning, California

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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Tio Wally Eats America: Ramblin Jack’s Ribeye

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Napavine, Washington.

Greetings from Napavine, Washington
N 46° 36.418’ W 122° 54.302’ Elev. 206 feet

I used to stop here at the Ribeye regularly way back when, usually ordering soup and salad. They had really great homemade soups and a decent salad bar. But the big attraction was that they had either prune or date bread — I can’t remember which — on the salad bar. It was unusual to find and unusually good.

03 ribeye_outside

Sadly, the owner retired and sold it to some muff-it(s) who promptly ran the place into the ground. It was amazing how a heretofore thriving restaurant could be turned it into a ghost town so quickly. It was shuttered toot sweet and remained that way for a few years.

The restaurant has been reopened by another outfit for four years or so. (The same company has three other restaurants.) But the salad bar is gone, along with the prune or date bread. Did I mention the bread was incredibly good? I still miss it.

The new incarnation of the Ribeye offers some interesting appetizers, like Deep Fried Dill Pickles, Deep Fried Green Beans and House-smoked & Fried Jack Cheese ($7.99 ea.). I didn’t try any of them because, well, I can’t eat that much.

They also offer daily specials. My waitress, Hannah, told me about the Monday Night Special: Country Fried Pork Chops. She said the chops — two 6 oz. pork chops soaked overnight in a brown sugar, maple brine — were breaded and fried and smothered in country gravy. If the way she all-but drooled as she described them is any indication, they are very good. Hell, I thought they sounded great and I hate maple-flavored crap.

As per my usual habit, I ordered the day’s special: Spaghetti and Meatballs with soup or salad ($10.99). I ordered it for a couple of reasons: I wanted pasta and one of the other restaurants under the company’s umbrella is a pizza joint. I hoped that might be a good omen sauce-wise. It turned out to be a good call.

22 riibeye_plate

I started with Cheesy Cream of Asparagus w/Ham soup. Asparagus is the King of Vegetables In my book. I’m of the mind that when Marie Antoinette said “Let them eat brioche” (that’s what she actually said; no mention of cake.) she could’ve been truly pitiless and suggested the starving peasants eat asparagus, so noble and delicious are those heavenly shoots.

I prefer my spears steamed, almost wilted, with butter and salt. Although I’ll eat asparagus whenever it’s offered, the cheese in the soup kind of threw me. Why would anyone do that to asparagus? It’s not like it’s a semi-industrial vegetable like broccoli, for chris’sake. Nevertheless, I asked to sample it and … great googly-moogly, it was awesome.

The delicate flavor of the asparagus wasn’t over-powered by the cheddar cheese and the soup had a nice thick and creamy texture. There were plenty of 3/4” pieces of asparagus. It was very filling. I never detected any ham, however. I think it may’ve been minced and then minced again before it found its way into the pot; I saw some unidentifiable red flakes.

The spaghetti was perfect, al dente and still a little wet. The marinara tasted both incredibly fresh and delightfully refreshing. It wasn’t highly seasoned and let the tomato stand on its own merit. Delicious. The (beef and pork?) meatballs were likewise superb. The reasonably hefty orbs were moist, with an almost creamy texture inside. Good gawd, y’all. And the Ribeye served reall Parmesan cheese, too! While the toast was marginal — I want my garlic toast garlicky, damn it! —the meal was quite satisfying overall.

I stopped back again about a week later and ordered Meatloaf ($14.55 w/tax) to go. I really wanted to try the pork chops but, being afraid they might taste of maple and being a bit under the weather, I passed. I figure I’ll try them when I dine in and I can send them back if need be.

The meatloaf was sort of meh. The baked potato was served with a butter mixture that contained both chives and sour cream. It was also served with a roll and a vegetable medley of broccoli, cauliflower and those so-called baby carrots. The veggies were perfectly cooked and delicious.

What was really incredible, however, was one of the soups they had that day: Turkey Curry Rice. This stuff was incredible, with nice little chunks of home-baked turkey in a mild creamy curry base. In retrospect, I should’ve just gotten a bowl of that and called it good. Although I quickly ate all the veggies, I barely touched the rest of the meal. Being sick sucks.

In addition to the disappearance of the prune (or was it date?) bread was the absence of a truly wonderful photo. Way back when there was a giant color photo hung just inside the foyer. It was an extraordinarily spectacular photo of the Ribeye sign with Mount St. Helens erupting in the background. I always liked the photo because it took me back.

I was one of the lucky schmucks with the dubious distinction of experiencing the mountain’s largesse firsthand. I lived in the “footprint” of the ash fall from the initial blast. Three days of pea-soup fog the consistency of talcum powder. Magnified it revealed its true architecture: shards of glass. You quickly discovered that you can’t seal your house. It’s impossible. So the ash came in, uninvited.

A helpful Science professor on TV, a volcanologist, noted that ash clouds travel much like nuclear radiation. Thanks for sharing, Doc. Did you know that when Chernobyl blew the highest radiation levels recorded in the US were in Spokane, Washington? It had circled the globe before it came to rest in there.

While I don’t miss the Mount St. Helens Experience too much, I do miss the photo. Almost as much as the bread.

And so we roll.

Ramblin Jack’s Ribeye, 1336 Rush Rd., I-5 Exit 72, Napavine, Washington

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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Tio Wally Eats America: Of Flotation and Fruit

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Alamo, Nevada.

Greetings from Alamo, Nevada
N 37° 21.854’ W 115° 9.6315’ Elev. 3,464 feet

Sailing the asphalt seas can be very sad sometimes. I’ve had one of those sad days. I feel like the lone schmo in Alamo. And the Sinclair is closed.

It all started when I “encouraged” a short bus off the road, over an embankment, and overturn into a river. I pride myself on my erratic lane changes. I even have a giant sticker on the back of the trailer that reads CAUTION: THIS VEHICLE MAKES WEIRD TURNS. I feel it’s not only my duty as a professional land yachter but a divine directive to make traveling as exciting as possible for any motorists with the good fortune to find themselves in my immediate proximity.

According to various first responders the short bus was crewed by a couple of nuns shepherding a group of pre-schoolers on an outing to a children’s museum. I’ve been to a children’s museum before and, in my humble opinion, surviving an escape from a capsized bus in eight feet of ice-cold water followed by the terror of a panicked clamber out of a river makes for a much more memorable experience. It also made for a “teachable moment” for me: I learned that nun’s habits make excellent flotation devices. Who knew?

But here’s the sad part: I failed to plan this trip adequately and am now stuck in Alamo at three o’clock in the morning eating whatever food I have on hand. As a result I’ll be having JIF Peanut Butter and Smucker’s Blackberry Jam on Franz Big Horn Valley Natural 100% Whole Wheat Bread sandwiches for dinner. To balance the meal, I’ll also be having some crappy Walmart-issue Macaroni Salad. I’ll wash it all down with a delicious Kern’s Banana-Pineapple Nectar. To make the meal both more palatable and exotic I’m going to call the nectar Platano Pina. What the hell. It is Hecho en Mexico and I imported it personally … from Barstow, California.

I must say I’ve had better meals recently; Feesh and More Feesh come to mind.

Which reminds me … I was negligent in focusing on the feeshes in the aforementioned posts. I left out an important, breathtakingly exquisite thing about California’s Central Coast, something that can’t be properly appreciated until it’s in your mouth: Fresh, ripe produce.

My friends and I motored around San Luis Obispo a bit one day, taking Prefumo Canyon Road over the hill from San Luis Obispo to See Canyon. It’s a wonderful drive, with spectacular views from the summit all the way to the coast some 10-12 miles away. Yet another of the many hidden wonders that is California.

07 Alamo_gopher glen sign

In See Canyon, we first stopped at Gopher Glen Apple Farm, a hidden little gem located in the heart of this little apple-growing valley. This place is so cool. It’s a very small, family run farm outlet that grows and sells its own fruits. And the pickin’s and squeezin’s are incredible.

08 Alamo_gopher inside

They do a very cool thing here. They display apples on a grid with their corresponding names so you can sample them and evaluate each varieties’ merits. Of the eight tree-ripened apples they offered that day, I thought the Hawaii was the best. I’d never heard of it. So sweet and … apple-y. It’s amazing how far superior the taste of a fresh, tree-ripened apple is, as opposed to a store-bought apple that was picked pre-peak, and then artificially ripened after spending a year in cold storage.

It’s sad that we forget things like the vibrant that’s-what-it’s-supposed-to-taste-like flavors of fresh, ripe fruit. We also had some fresh-squeezed cider that was likewise scrumptious.

I bought four different kinds of their homegrown plums. Sadly, I only ate two. But the two I ate were unbelievable. They tasted just like … plums! And they had distinctly different flavors. When was the last time you bought a plum in a grocery store that had flavor?

Forgive me while I take a moment to wax nostalgic and salivate anew.

Next we visited Avila Valley Barn. Years ago AVB was a Ma-and-Pa produce stand. It’s now become a bona fide tourist trap. They do some cool things, like roasted on-the-ear corn. And their produce is great and mostly locally sourced, albeit a little overpriced.

I spotted some wicked good Globe artichokes at Avila Valley Barn, imports, no doubt, from the Artichoke Capital of the World: Castroville, California. (The choke on a Globe is round; i.e. not pointy. Its petals/leaves are meaty, tender and flavorful. Those pointy artichokes are good only for the hearts, if you ask me.) Though I thought they were a bit pricey ($2/ea.) by local standards, they looked so good that I had to buy some. Unfortunately, when they were cooked I wasn’t feeling too hot and missed out. I heard they were great. Oh well.

If you are ever so blessed to visit California get in touch with a local so you can do it right. I’ll help. Jason has my number. Call him and he’ll call me and I’ll call meu amigo brasileiro in Rotterdam who will call you and give you my number. We’ll get you organized, for sure.

And so we roll.

Alamo Sinclair, 51 Broadway St., Alamo, Nevada
Gopher Glen Apple Farm, 2899 See Canyon Rd., San Luis Obispo, California
Avila Valley Barn, 560 Avila Beach Dr., San Luis Obispo, California

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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Tio Wally Eats America: More Feesh!

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Morro Bay, California.

Greetings from Cambria, California
N 35° 33.8681′ W 121° 4.9141’ Elev. 75’

Here’s another installment from my recent Central California Coast adventure.

Some friends and I made a trip up the coast to see the San Simeon “home” of still-deceased spoiled-brat megalomaniac and all-around dangerous weirdo William Randolph Hearst.

Hearst Castle is a massive, rambling hacienda-on-steroids that sits atop a 1,600 foot high hill overlooking the teeny-tiny oceanside village of San Simeon. While the views are spectacular, the estate itself is so massive and so over-the-top that I suspected it was probably a pitch-perfect reflection of Hearst’s personality. In other words, the place was kind of creepy.

11 Linn's_sign

Afterward we made our way to Linn’s Restaurant in Cambria, a local institution that’s been here for 25 years. Linn’s is famous for its pies as well as its fruit preserves, especially its signature Olallieberry, a hybrid cross between a blackberry and a raspberry.

They first brought out slices of baked-on-premise whole wheat bread and a wonderfully garlicky focaccia, along with butter and a ramekin of Olallieberry preserves. The Olallieberry preserves are so great that I really should’ve bought a jar. Unfortunately, I’m just not that forward thinking, especially after dinner when I’m stuffed.

One of my friends ordered Polenta with Roasted Vegetables ($18). The polenta was topped with what looked to be mostly roasted zucchini and yellow squash, with a little red cabbage and mushrooms, dressed with “Linn’s Sun-dried Tomato Vinaigrette, Swiss cheese, Parmesan shavings and a balsamic glaze.” She said it was very good but bemoaned the fact that she’s been eating squash from her garden for the last couple of months and was getting kind of tired of them.

My other friend — designer of the TWEA graphic header — ordered a Hearst Ranch Burger ($15), “Half-pound patty, Brian’s artisan bun, smoked Gouda, lettuce, tomato, onion, garlic aioli, french fries” [on the side]. Judging by the way he kept saying “Oh, man!” after every swallow, I’m guessing that he enjoyed it immensely. I was sort of disappointed, however, that he didn’t opt for the Apple-Olallieberry Slaw instead of the fries. It sounded sort of interesting and I’d have liked to’ve tried it.

Hearst Ranch Beef is quite a big deal locally. (The 80,000 acres surrounding the Castle is still a working ranch; they have another 71,000-acre spread on the other side of the Santa Lucia Range near Cholame, California, site of James Dean’s fatal car crash. The ranches, by the way, are operated by Hearst’s great-grandson, Steve, who is renowned for NOT being a spoiled brat nor a quintessential weirdo. Indeed, he’s regarded by everyone I know who’s ever met him as being a “normal guy.”) Billed as free-range, all-natural, grass-fed and grass-finished beef, I can personally attest to the superb quality of Hearst Ranch Beef. Its reputation and cachet are well-deserved to the uttermost. I can also attest to it being somewhat pricey.

I ordered one of the day’s specials: “Locally caught Albacore tuna, blackened (medium rare), served with pineapple salsa, Jasmine rice, black beans and Linn’s grilled Shishoto peppers.” I think it was $28.

21 Linn's_albacore

I don’t remember if the giant hunk of Albacore was 6 or 8 ounces, but it was a very big, very thick steak. It had a nice outer crust while the inside was largely uncooked; I would have preferred it to’ve been a little more done. Still, it made for a nice combination of textures, alternately crispy and buttery. The melt-in-your-mouth tuna was complimented nicely by the tanginess of the pineapple salsa.

Equally tasty were the grilled Shishoto peppers. I’d never heard of these Japanese peppers before. They were very fresh, probably grown on the Linn’s Original Farmstore farm located five miles east of town. Although slightly salty, these mild peppers were very tasty, somewhat like a cross between a green bean and a pepper, and went nicely with the rest of the accompaniments.

Behind the restaurant, Linn’s has three outbuildings: the Easy As Pie Cafe, Linn’s Gourmet Goods, and Linn’s Homestyle Gifts & Sale Loft. Because of the theme-park looks of the buildings I kept thinking that if they had a narrow-gauge train chugging along the perimeter they could be well on the way to establishing something akin to a Knott’s Berry Farm North. Thankfully, they don’t.

While both the food and service at Linn’s was exemplary I think I would go somewhere along the coast next time. It’s going to be about the same price and, more than likely, of similar quality. Moreover you could enjoy a view of the Pacific and have a much better possibility of seeing large marine mammals, like otters or seals or whales. There were no otters or seals or whales on Main Street in Cambria.

And so we roll.

Hearst Castle, 750 Hearst Castle Rd., San Simeon, California
Linn’s Restaurant, 2277 Main St., Cambria, California

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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Tio Wally Eats America: Feesh!

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Morro Bay, California.

Greetings from Morro Bay, California
N 35° 22.2203’ W 120° 51.3771’ Elev. 20 ft.

I had a hankering for fresh fish — Feesh! — so me and some dear friends meandered over here, landing at the Great American Fish Company (known to the locals as GAFCO). The restaurant is located right on the embarcadero (pier) just a stone’s throw from The Rock. Morro Bay used to be home of a thriving, bustling fishing industry but, alas, not so much anymore. Still, it’s an idyllic setting and a great place to get fresh, locally caught seafood.

Great American Fish Company has been here for as long as I can remember yet I’d never eaten here. Its claim to fame is mesquite grilled fresh seafood. Our food was grilled by a surly looking Latino or, at least, that was the impression I got every time I looked in at the plexiglass-enclosed grill. He seemed even surlier, scowling, when I took a photo. I could almost hear him saying, “¡Vete a la mierda, turista gringo!. Of course, he didn’t really say anything. But who could blame him if he did? He’s probably grossly underpaid for his very hot, highly skilled work!

27 Grill

I didn’t pay a lot of attention to what my friends ordered — one ordered Halibut, the other a Ling Cod special, I think — because I was preoccupied by the fact that I could actually order off the Senior Menu legally! I almost hate to admit that there was no fudging of facts or taking advantage of a restaurateur’s largesse. On second thought, it’s depressing. Getting old sucks. “Waaaaaaaaah!!!”

They had a couple of great things on the Senior Menu, so I got both. I first ordered the fresh, locally caught Red Snapper ($9.95). If it was caught locally, which I’m sure it was, it wasn’t actually Red Snapper. Red Snapper is an Atlantic and Gulf of Mexico fish. More than likely it was a rock cod that happened to be red. But who cares? It’s kind of a given, substitution-wise. Besides, all West Coast rock cod are exceptionally delicious. This was no exception.

10 GAFCO_plate

The “snapper” was outstanding. Firm yet flaky, moist, perfectly cooked con un gruñido, served with a really decent tartar sauce that it didn’t require at all. It was a small but satisfying filet, accompanied by a sweet-and-sour red cabbage salad and a choice of rice pilaf or French fries. I went for the pilaf, which was marvelous.

Also offered on the Senior Menu was a skewer of either shrimp or scallops with bacon, bell peppers and onion ($9.95). So I ordered one of them, too, with scallops. The waiter asked me if I wanted the sides with it. If not, it would be $4 less. Well hell, I thought, How many sides do I need? So I just got the skewer of four mid-sized scallops. Although they weren’t local — scallops are also an Atlantic Ocean habitué in America — they were great! They weren’t overcooked and rubbery — abused, I call it — with that buttery firmness well-prepared scallops are known for.

This perfectly prepared, mesquite-grilled pairing of fresh feesh and scallops came to a whopping $15.90! Evidently it pays to be old sometimes. Plus, GAFCO is situated right on the water with a million dollar view of Morro Rock. Could life get any better? Well …

On the way back to San Luis Obispo I had to make a stop up the hill — a 60 foot climb, mind you — at Taco de Mexico. I knew I was going to want one of their incredible food tubes later. And they are the purveyors of the best burritos on the Central Coast and, quite possibly, the world!

“Taco de Mex”, as the locals fondly call it, has likewise been here ever since I can remember. Because the food is so great and the prices so reasonable it’s always busy, often with a line queuing well outside the door. Moreover it doesn’t matter what you order, it’s going to be great. Hell, the place is so good the Latinos eat there.

My favorites at Taco de Mex have always been the al Pastor ($5.50), a spicy marinated pork affair, and the Lengua ($6.25), the lip-smackingly good beef tongue. Because I didn’t want to end up with too much food, I ordered a half Pastor/half Lengua, with everything. “Everything” at Taco de Mex is rice, beans, onions and cilantro, avocado sauce (not to be confused with guacamole) and your choice of mild or hot hot sauce (get the hot!). Unlike many burrito vendors Taco de Mex is very generous and never skimps on the meat. As a result you can actually taste whatever meat the burrito is supposed to be.

22 GAFCO_burrito 3

I also always order extra sides of onions and cilantro (they come combined), and hot sauce. There is no charge for those. Unfortunately, Taco de Mex failed me this time and only included the extra hot sauce. I should’ve checked the bag before I left, but they were very, very busy.

I didn’t know what they would charge me for the burrito, there being a 75¢ price differential; I was surprised to see that the Lengua cost substantially more as all the burritos had been priced identically forever. The nice young lady ended up charging me only $5.50. It wouldn’t have mattered. The burrito was every bit as fantastic as I’d remembered.

I also ordered a half-liter bottle of Coca Mexicana (Mexican Coca-Cola®) which was $2. The difference between Mexican Coca-Cola® and American Coca-Cola® is that the South-of-the-border version is made with cane sugar rather than High Fructose Corn Syrup. Fun fact: High Fructose Corn Syrup is found in virtually every soft drink as well as every processed food in America. It has been blamed for being largely responsible for America’s obesity and diabetes epidemics. Sweet, huh?

25 GAFCO_coca mexicana

Another major difference between the two versions, of course, is that occasionally some people — Jason Lam comes to mind — orders a Mexican Coke® and gets a little something extra for his $2. Sweet.

And so we roll.

The Great American Fish Company, 1185 Embarcadero Rd., Morro Bay, California
Taco de Mexico, 980 Main St., Morro Bay, California

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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tio wally

Tio Wally Eats America: SloCo Pasty Company

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in San Luis Obispo, California.

Greetings from San Luis Obispo, California
N 35° 16.8165’ W 120° 39.7814’ Elev. 200 ft.

I happened to take some Texans on a mini-tour of this area recently and, while atop Black Hill in Morro Bay (parking lot elevation 485 feet), we espied three separate pods of whales, probably California Grey whales and numbering well over two dozen, lollygagging their way up the coast. I mention it here only because it was a thrill. The most I’d ever seen before, at the same time, were two. Count ‘em: Two! And yeah, you’re right, I’m blessed. Thanks for noticing.

As part of Grande excursão do Wally we also went through downtown San Luis Obispo. I’m always surprised when I visit here because so many of the businesses seem to play a endless game of musical chairs with their locations. This is mostly because of rents skyrocketing due to the cost of earthquake retrofitting the buildings. Evidently the Powers That Be have issues with un-reinforced masonry crashing down and killing and/or maiming the unsuspecting every time some errant temblor rolls through, like the one that came a’callin’ in Napa last Sunday. As a result, you never know who’s going to pop up there or what new businesses will sprout where. They’re like whales … or sea serpents — you never know where they’re going to pop up! OK. Maybe more like whales.

One of newer (to me) arrivals in downtown SLO is the SloCo Pasty — pronounced PASS-tee — Company, which opened its doors in June of 2011, serving up those delicious turnover-shaped pastries filled with meat and vegetables. Pasties are not to be confused with certain abominable fried pies that are so popular in parts of the South. Pasties are baked. (SloCo, by the way, is the local abbreviation for San Luis Obispo County; SLO is the accepted abbreviation for the city surrounding Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa.)

24 Pasty__TT pasty open

Although SloCo Pasty Company offers traditional Cornish pasties, such as the Oggy, Shepherd’s Pie, and Bangers and Mash (pork sausage cooked in beer and sautéed onion with mashed potatoes), it also offers pasties with, according to their sign, a “California twist.” These hybrids run the gamut from Santa Maria-style barbecue beef to Greek to Mexican to Indian (curry) to old-fashioned Chicken Pot Pie.

My friend ordered one of the hybrids, the Tri Trippin’ ($10.50). This pasty is filled with Santa Maria-style barbecued Tri-tip, baked beans and salsa. It was served with an extra side of salsa as well as a side of broccoli cole slaw.

Tri-tip roast or simply Tri-tip is an extremely popular regional cut of meat. Its name is derived from the shape of the cut. Anywhere else it would be called a bottom sirloin roast or some such. It’s somewhat of a mystery to me why people here go crazy for it. It can be very tough and chewy or, when it’s cooked right, tender and succulent. You just never seem to know how it’s going to come out. Invariably it’s served without a barbecue sauce.

The beef in his Tri Trippin’ was fairly tender. Although they billed the beans as “baked” they are not sweet, like, say, Boston Baked Beans. They are actually Ranch beans, a savory version of pintos that’s routinely served with Tri-tip hereabouts. While it wasn’t bad by any means I just didn’t think it was all that exciting. It was sort of like a Santa Maria-style barbecue plate in a pastry dough. Oh wait, that’s what it was supposed to be.

I wasn’t really hungry so I ordered two pasties to go, an Oggy and a Shepherd’s Pie ($9.50 each). SloCo Pasty Co. will “par-bake” (partially bake) the pasties so they can be cooked at home. They kindly mark all of the pasties with a dough-letter atop so that you can tell which is what (or vice-versa). Both of these pasties are served with a side of red wine gravy.

The Oggy is billed as “the one that started it all.” It’s the traditional Cornish miners’ pasty with steak, red potatoes, onions and rutabaga. My friend really enjoyed this one, saying it reminded him of the ones he used to get in Grass Valley, California, a former gold mining region where there was a large population of Welsh miners in days past. I thought it was a little bland. But I think that was because I was comparing it to the Shepherd’s Pie, which I was having at the same time.

I thought the Shepherd’s Pie was incredible. It’s filled with a savory mixture of ground beef, carrots, onions and peas cooked in a red wine gravy, and mashed potatoes. I thought this was wonderfully flavorful, a classic. Even though I never really got a handle on the flavor, dipping it in the red wine gravy was also quite good.

37 Pasty_805

While there we sampled a great local beer, the Firestone 805 ($5.50/16 oz; $6.50/20 oz). Named after the local area code, the 805 is an incredibly smooth light blond ale brewed “just up the street” in Paso Robles by the Firestone Walker Brewing Company. It’s easy to understand the wild popularity of this fine beer; they also make a similarly wonderful DBA.

In addition to offering (what I consider to be somewhat frightening) Beer Floats (pick your poison: Guinness & Coffee Ice Cream or Boddingtons & Vanilla; $6.75/ea), SloCo Pasty Company offers a thing they call “Beer Flights.” You can choose any four of the 10 beers they have on draught and they’ll give you a 5-ounce glass of each for $8. Not a bad deal for the opportunity to sample the wares of brews from the British Isles to the West Coast, with a layover in South Burlington, Vermont, of course (Magic Hat #9). Wait… South Burlington?

Another cool thing SloCo Pasty Company did while I was there was the management had the good taste to take advantage of The Simpsons marathon — Every.Simpsons.Ever. — currently airing on FXX through Labor Day. Is there anything that could possibly go better with pasties and beer? Well, D’oh! Oops, I meant: No!

And so we roll.

SloCo Pasty Company, 1032 Chorro St., San Luis Obispo, California

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.