Tio Wally Eats America: Lumberjacks Restaurant

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Redding, California.

Greetings from Redding, California
N 40° 34.246’ W 122° 21.7406’ Elev. 541 feet

The yacht developed engine issues. In motorhead-speak: the tension adjuster failed, causing the serpentine (fan) belt to fray within an inch of its life. As a result my evil twin Skippy and I got to enjoy another motel adventure. Thankfully it’s quite a bit warmer — 70°+ — this time.

The last time we were dry docked we stayed in a funky motel that we rather enjoyed. It was New Year’s Eve and quite festive. This time not so much.

(If you’d like a chuckle, click on “festive,” scroll down to the comments section and read the time-delayed shit storm the post unleashed. One of the commenters actually implied I could get shot! Shot! But doggone it, Clem, you jus’ gots ta admit them thar Kemmererites is some darn nice folk.)

Suffice to say the motel, which shall remain nameless (Redding-South Motel 6), was not the Waldorf-Astoria. While it lacked the charm of, say, the Antlers in Kemmerer, it did have some interesting features, like the world’s most thought-out bottle opener and super-duper ultra-high-speed internet, among other memorable amenities.

During the ride to the motel the cabbie, Roadrunner Keith, told me about a nearby restaurant he had breakfasted at once. He said he thought it was over-priced … until his plate came. That sounded pretty good so we went and had breakfast for dinner.

Lumberjacks appeared to be a theme restaurant. Despite the log-construction decor and assorted saws and saw blades displayed along the walls, not to mention the over-caricatured French-Canadian mini-Paul Bunyan statue greeting you at the front door with an cocked-and-ready axe in his hand — Yikes!! — I couldn’t really discern exactly what the theme was. It’s very subtle. After very little thought I decided it must be an homage to the 1968-70 ABC teebee series Here Come the Brides.

Lumberjacks Restaurant bills itself as “Where the BIG BOYS eat!” After hearing what Roadrunner Keith had to say, I had to order the same breakfast he’d had: the Country Smoked Ham breakfast, a bone-in ham steak, two eggs, hash browns and toast ($9.49). I also got a side of country gravy that pretty much sucked.

The ham steak was nearly a half-inch thick and covered about half of the 15” oval plate. It was sweet, somewhat smokey, and not the least bit salty. Indeed, it may well be one of the best ham steaks I’ve ever had. The slightly over-cooked eggs (I ordered over-easy) and hash browns were passable. A redeeming factor, however, was that they had assorted Smucker’s jellies and orange marmalade for my sourdough toast.

They have some interesting things on the menu, like banana-nut bread French Toast (“Our banana nut Loaf sliced and dipped in our French Toast batter”, $7.99). I had a dream about it that night wherein the waitress kept telling me that I had to really like banana-nut bread because, once I got it, I would be stuck with it. I’m still not sure if the dream was frightening or not, but it woke me up.

They also had some really nice looking pies and cakes, which I never did find on the menu. One of them was a gargantuan, truly colossal chocolate cake that I thought I’d get a slice of to go.

A slice of the behemoth, served with two scoops of ice cream and related sugar delivery systems, cost $8, according to the waitress. But what if you only want a slice of it? “We can only sell it with the rest of the stuff,” the waitress explained. WTF? How stupid is that? So I pleaded and cajoled, eventually dropping myself prone on the pine-colored carpet kicking and screaming “I just want a slice!”. Sorry, she said.

Although the cake looked great, I had to wonder: Who in their right mind would order a dessert that would outrival the giant meal they just ate? Not me. Or Skippy.

And so we roll.

Lumberjacks Restaurant, 501 E. Cypress, Redding, California
and eight other locations scattered throughout north-central California and one in Las Vegas, Nevada

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.