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Tio Wally Eats America: Family Buffet in Junction City

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Junction City, Kansas.

Greetings from Junction City, Kansas
N 39° 01.270’ W 096° 49.125’ Elev. 1052 ft.

Just as people associate Maine with lobster, I associate Junction City, Kansas with …Egg Foo Yung. What?

The SS Me So Hungry pulls into this port irregularly, delivering “mechanically separated (turkey) meat” and then sailing away with various turkey-based luncheon meats, and delivering them to … wherever.

While there is another much better place to eat in Junction City — Napoli’s, an Italian place that I’ll review soon — none is more convenient land yacht-wise than Family Buffet. Wedged between a truck stop and a Merchant of Death (Wal•Mart), there’s parking galore. And it’s got a bit of the funky.

Parking the land yacht nearby can be really important sometimes. On one visit here the thermometer on the bridge read 114°. It was a blessing that the humidity that day was almost Arizona-esque, and the slog to the restaurant short enough to be bearable; an hour later the temperature had dropped to a balmy 94°.

Being as the Chinese community in Junction City — heck, all of Kansas — is somewhat small, I’m guessing Family Buffet is a family business.

There is an old man there, usually during the day, who I’m guessing is the family patriarch. He sits in a chair behind a wait station and just watches. Not with an authoritarian glare, in a keep-the-staff-in-line way, but rather, just hangin’. Every time I’ve passed him he’s spoken to me, a big smile on his face. I have no idea what he’s saying as I don’t speak Mandarin and he doesn’t speak Cantonese, which is okay because I don’t speak Cantonese either. So I just smile back and say “Hi” or whatever and he smiles and answers back in Chinese.

As you may have guessed my favorite thing here is the Egg Foo Yung. They simply have the best. It’s the fluffiest, tastiest I’ve ever had, made with peas, carrots, green onion, etc. It may be the best I’ve ever had. And the sauce is perfect, too; not too sweet, not too salty.

One day they ran out after I’d only had two. I kept getting up, checking the tray and, damn it, none had arrived. I even moved across the table to better spot the fresh stuff’s arrival. Seeing my obvious distress when I checked the tray thrice again, the old man sprang to his feet and, I guess, asked me what the problem was. I told him, in the nearest language I commanded to Mandarin Chinese (read: English), that there was no Egg Foo Yung. He then told me, I guess, that he was all over it, the smile never leaving his face.

He then disappeared through the kitchen doors and it sounded like all hell broke loose. (Of course, normal discourse in Chinese always sounds like all hell has broken loose to my ear.) Long story short, he appeared with a fresh tray of Egg Foo Yung a few minutes later, beckoning me over for first grabs. Score.

They have scores of items on the buffet from Chinese to vegetable sushi to pizza and a full salad bar. Most of the Chinese fare, however, is very chicken-centric, which bums me out; it makes it hard for me to realize my dream of an all-pork diet. They must have 25 different chicken based dishes. Geesh. I want my pork. Nevertheless, the chicken stuff is very varied and, well, it’s all pretty good.

They also always have fried butterfly shrimp and, at night anyway, peel-and-eat shrimp as well. I don’t usually have the peel-and-eat though; that peeling crap is too much work and it interferes with my reading.

I also really enjoy their hot-and-sour soup. It’s not corn-starched out, i.e. thickened to complete coagulation. I usually throw in a couple of wontons from the wonton soup kettle for good measure.

And a real treat is that they’ve got eight-or-so different flavors of self-dipped hard ice cream!

They’re really nice folks at Family Buffet. Every time I’ve been there the service has been great, the food is decent enough and, hell, I can park the land yacht within a stone’s throw.

And so we roll.

Family Buffet, 801 E. Chestnut St., Junction City, Kansas

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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tio wally travel

Tio Wally Eats America: Good Wil’s Restaurant, Bakery & Creamery

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Milton, Pennsylvania.

Greetings from Milton, Pennsylvania
N 40° 57.850’  W 076° 50.540’  Elev. 485 ft.

Ah, Pennsylvania. Home of the Liberty Bell, which, by the way, is cracked not because it was fervently rung to celebrate “freedom” but, rather, was a flawed cast, defective. So much for iconic bells. And so was my meal at Good Wil’s Restaurant, Bakery & Creamery in Milton. Flawed and mostly defective.

At Good Wil’s I ordered, with bated breath, a Ham Pot Pie. It was on the menu, printed right there for all to read. A regular menu item! It’s got to be good. I was excited: This is going to be great! After all, What is a pot pie? It’s a pie: crust top and bottom and filled with … whatever. Well, not so much at Good Wil’s. Actually, not at all.

At Good Wil’s I was served a bowl of gummy, grammar school paste-worthy pieces of … crap, with a little bland (boiled?) ham thrown in to break up the visual desert of the tasteless bowl of muck. I’d seen these rubbery, gummy squares of “noodles” elsewhere but they were always pawned off as “dumplings”, which they also are not. Noodles are noodles, dumplings are dumplings, and dumplings are never square. Flat is impossible in the dumpling world, just as crust is a must for pies. Suffice to say, it was not a pot pie, much less a “ham” pot pie.

I was told later that the pile of paste masquerading as pot pie is a Dutch thing. Fine. But where’s the pie? Why in the hell are they calling it a “pie” when there is no pie? This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Sinfully wrong.

Rather than bitch more, I’ll say this: The Ham Pot Pie at Good Wil’s would make for a great source of glue for any five-year-old’s arts-and-crafts project; any self-respecting 8-year-old would reject it as an unsuitable adhesive posthaste. Other than the fact that it was so bland, so completely devoid of flavor that even a Chrysler Building-size pepper mill couldn’t redeem it, it wasn’t completely inedible. But I say that only because I was starving, and … it came with two sides.

I chose Baked Lima Beans and Harvard Beets as my sides. The baked lima beans were another Dutch treat (read: surprise). I thought they’d be oven-baked or something unusual. No. They were baked as in “baked beans.” They were okay but, sheesh, what a waste of perfectly good lima beans.

The “Harvard” Beets, however, were awesome. They serve beets warm in the Northeast — I don’t know why — and I love ‘em. I have a thing about certain foods and beets are one of them. There simply is no way to prepare beets incorrectly. (I’ve thought about frying them.) Serve them warm, cold, call them “Harvard” or “Yale”, it doesn’t matter: They’re beets,which can’t be beat! No wrong can possibly be done.

But the real redeemer of my visit to Good Wil’s was this: I was walking back from the restroom and noticed, in the pie case, a little sign that read: Rice Pudding $1.99. The rice pudding appeared to be in giant sundae cups. I figured it was some mistake. But no.

Rice pudding is hard to find. Homemade rice pudding is nonexistent. You never see it. Moreover, I had a choice: with or without raisins. I went with the raisins. It came generously topped with whipped cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon, and was truly awesome. Heck, it almost made up for the fact that I was sold a phony Ham Pot Pie with little ham, no crust, but plenty of paste. Almost.

And so we roll.

Good Wil’s Restaurant, Bakery & Creamery, 24 Weavers Lane, Milton, Pennsylvania

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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tio wally travel

Tio Wally Eats America: Arbuckle Mountain Fried Pies

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Davis, Oklahoma.

Greetings from Davis, Oklahoma
N 34° 26.851’ W 097° 08.123’ Elev. 815 ft.

There is a great, great band called The String Cheese Incident. I want to recommend that you experience them instead of experiencing what I’m calling: The Fried Pie Disaster.

I was on my way to a pathetic, fetid little burg in Texas called Houston, a truly odious swamp of a place with no redeeming qualities. Indeed, it is one of those places that is in much need of — deserves! — a massive petrochemical explosion that would, if all went well, leave no trace that it ever existed. But that’s just my humble, yet well-reasoned, opinion.

Although there’s a Flying Fishhook (Flying J truck stop) there that sells tasty meat Fried Pies (2/$3), that alone should in no way be construed as a redeeming quality nor a reason to prevent or diminish the aforementioned explosion. Jeezus, it’s freakin’ Houston for cris’sake.

Having had the fried pies at the Flying Fishhook, I was wanting to try some from a real fried pie place.

On the way to There-Is-No-There-There I stopped for coffee in Fairfield, Texas. Across the street was a place called Cooper Farms (Exit 198, I-45 & Hwy. 27) that advertised Fried Pies. I walked over hoping to get a meat fried pie, but they didn’t make them. I did, however, buy a Coconut Fried Pie ($3.50); I love coconut cream pie and figured it would be similar. How could I go wrong? Well, by leaving it on the passenger seat until it molded before I could eat it for starters. Talk about harbingers.

On the way back from the Execrable Armpit of Texas I stopped at Arbuckle Mountain Fried Pies in Davis, Oklahoma. They claim to be The Original Fried Pie, a curious boast as Baker’s Ribs in Caddo Mills, Texas makes the same claim. I’m sure there are more than a few others.

Walking up to the place I was delighted to see an obviously narcissitic rooster admiring at his reflection in the glass of one of the front doors. That’s a good sign, I thought. The not particularly friendly fried-pie lady explained that the cock lived nearby and liked to strut over and visit occasionally. Quaint.

I perused the menu and ordered three expensive ($3.99 each) Fried Pies: a Spinach, Mushroom and Potato; a Beef and Vegetable; and a Polish Sausage and Potato, which they billed as the “Comfort Food.”

The half moon-shaped pies were fairly large, about 7 inches in length at the base, with great crust but sort of thin. I was pretty excited, especially about the spinach. Then I took a bite.

It was so salty it should’ve come with a Surgeon General’s Warning so that people with heart conditions taking statins didn’t bleed to death from their follicles, if not every pore on their body, after a single bite. In a word: YUK!

I would’ve thrown it out the window but I’m sure that that much salt would’ve attracted a herd of deer or cows or horses within minutes, effectively shutting down I-35 in both directions. No doubt, the pie would’ve then been traced back to me through an anonymous tipster and I’d get a ticket for … lord knows what.

Then I tried the “Comfort Food” pie. It was full of pureed potatoes that tasted faintly of chicken broth. Not bad. However, it contained only (approximately) 1.376 grams of Polish sausage; two measly pieces to be exact. While the pie wasn’t offensive it offered absolutely no “comfort.”

The Beef and Vegetable was the best of the three, although a visual examination didn’t reveal any beef or vegetables. I never figured out what it tasted like, really. It was something familiar yet undefinable, sort of like a Swanson’s® Salisbury Steak nukerowavable delight … or something. Mostly something.

Was I disappointed? Yes. Pissed? Not completely because I liked seeing the local Cock o’ the Walk. But overall I hated, HATED the pies. What a rip-off! Would I recommend avoiding the place? Yes, at all cost. Unless, of course, you’re a big, big fan of handheld salt licks and random barnyard fowl.

In all, the whole adventure ended up being pure kismet: The pies sucked; I ended up losing their menu as well as everything else with Arbuckle Mountain Fried Pies’ address on it; and all but one of the close-up photos of the pies were so blurry they were unusable, much like the pies themselves. Pretty poetic, I’d say.

Since I’m talking about avoiding places, here’s another one: Betty’s Truck Stop on I-44 at Highway YY (Exit 74) in Missouri. Here’s why: I was dead tired, starving, wanting just to eat and then sleep. I went into Betty’s — I’d been wanting to try it even though it never seemed busy even though it has acres of parking — and was greeted by a waitress that could only be described as, to be kind, icey.

I was looking at the menu and was thrilled to see they had tomato soup, as well as “homemade” vegetable beef and chicken noodle soups, as permanent menu items. I love tomato soup. Moreover it’s rare for a restaurant to have any “named” soup as a regular menu item unless it’s good and it sells.

As I always do, I asked if they had any specials. “Sloppy Joe and fries,” she said. Hmm, a Sloppy Joe sounds good. What can I substitute for fries, I asked? I was thinking a cup of tomato soup would be great. “You can’t,” said Icee. Huh? “You can’t substitute on the special. It’s the rules.” But what if someone can’t eat potatoes, what then? “It doesn’t matter. No substitutions on the special,” she said haughtily, robotically. Screw you, I thought. And Betty, too.

A basic rule of commerce: If a business won’t take care of its customers, its customers shouldn’t take care of them. I observed the rule. (Note: Never ever take shit from anyone who’s trying to sell you something. Your money talks. They need you, not vice versa.)

So I walked back to the yacht, fuming. Never had I run into such blind obstinacy in a restaurant, especially one that supposedly caters to drivers. I then enjoyed a delicious chicken salad (from Braum’s) sandwich on wheat with green leaf lettuce, followed by a sound sleep.

And so we roll.

Flying J Travel Centers, nationwide
Cooper Farms, Exit 198, I-45 & Hwy. 27, Fairfield, Texas
Arbuckle Mountain Fried Pies, I-35 at Exit 51, Davis, Oklahoma
Betty’s Truck Stop, Exit 74, I-44 & Hwy. YY, Sweet Springs, Missouri

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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travel treats

Tio Wally Eats America: Jackson’s Soul Food Kitchen

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Sylvester, Georgia.

Greetings from Sylvester, Georgia
N 31° 31.862’  W 083° 50.599’  Elev. 388 ft.

I arrived here a day early with a leaking power steering box to pick up 22 tons of Peter Pan peanut butter. So while I was at the auto parts store buying some miraculous Lucas Power Steering Stop Leak I asked the guys where the good food was. One of them recommended Jackson’s Soul Food Kitchen, adding “That’s some seriously good food.” So I went and, well, had some very, very seriously good food.

Jackson’s one of those meat-and-three-sides places where they’ll have a few meats and maybe a half-dozen sides to choose from. These used to be really common in the South but are, sadly, rapidly disappearing it seems.

The meat choices that day were Cube Steak in gravy, and either Fried or Baked Chicken. Side choices were Rice (white), Yams, Collard Greens, Squash (yellow), and Green Beans or Butter Beans (Baby Lima) with Ham Hock. It also came with a piece of Corn Bread and your choice from an assortment of slices of pie or cake for dessert, and a drink.

For lunch I had the Cube Steak ($9.58 w/tax), with yams, squash and green beans, and a Sweet Tea. For dessert I chose Caramel Cake.

This stuff was seriously, seriously, seriously good, all homemade and cooked to perfection Southern-style (i.e. mushy veggies). The Cube Steak was very tender, which is often not the case with cube steak. The squash and green beans were wonderful, the latter with big pieces of ham hock in it. The yams — which I love anyway— were out of this world. The yams weren’t cubed but rather large slices. And I don’t know what they do but I swear they’re using either pineapple or orange juice in the preparation. Whatever it is, it’s goo-ood.

The sweet tea was also homemade and delicious. The Caramel Cake was also great. Having never had it before I expected it to be sickeningly sweet, but it wasn’t at all. It was so good, in fact, I ended up picking crumbs of cake off the plate with my fingers. I wanted it all, I wanted it to last.

One of the curious things, for me, was the corn bread. I would’ve called it a hoe cake or griddle cake before I’d call it corn bread. It’s actually fried rather than baked. Moreover, this stuff wasn’t as sweet nor made solely with yellow corn meal as is common. It seems to’ve been made with white corn meal and, possibly, flour. It actually kind of reminded me of a pupusa. It was still good and made a good sopper-upper for the gravy; I really should’ve taken a picture of my plate after I finished as it looked like it had just been washed.

The food at Jackson’s was so good that I ended up getting a dark meat Fried Chicken ($8.51 w/tax) meal with yams, yams, butter beans with ham hock, and Buttermilk Pie to-go for dinner.

The fried chicken was fantastic! Perfectly seasoned, not too crispy, not greasy at all and really moist. The butter beans were freakin’ awesome; I really I should’ve gotten double of them, too. The Buttermilk Pie, which I’d also never had before, was also great. Really moist and creamy, not too sweet and sort of lemony.

An oddity, if you can call it that, was that Soul Food places sometimes get heavy handed with the salt. Not so at Jackson’s. They really did everything right, especially by letting the ham hock add the natural salt/seasoning to the butter beans and green beans.

Jackson’s Soul Food Kitchen was a great recommendation/find. I’d highly recommend it myself, probably adding “This is some seriously good food!” Seriously soulful, and seriously, seriously, seriously great.

And so we roll.

Jackson’s Soul Food Kitchen
602 W. Franklin St., Sylvester, Georgia

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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tio wally travel

Tio Wally Eats America: Ron’s Family Affair

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in West Memphis, Arkansas.

Greetings from West Memphis, Arkansas
N 35° 08.804’  W 090° 10.644’  Elev. 271 ft.

I asked a loader (the guys who load the trailers) where I could get a good home-cooked meal and he sent me to Ron’s Family Affair.

I was really wondering if I was going to be able to find it. The guy had a really thick accent and I found him extremely difficult to understand. I thought he was saying “Runs.” When I encounter lingual situations like that I always feel stupid having someone repeat something more than three times. Nevertheless, I found it.

Ron’s Family Affair is a funky little meat-and-three-sides place, except you only get two sides. I got the smothered pork chops, steamed/boiled(?) cabbage, black-eyed peas and cornbread, along with a sweet tea ($6.50).

First off: Ron evidently owns a very, very large salt shaker. And he’s not afraid to use it. This can sometimes be an issue, for me anyway, at some soul food places. And Ron, evidently, has a little less fear than others. Thankfully, he wasn’t fearless enough to take it completely over the edge.

The smothered pork chops were extremely lean and tender. And though the gravy was a bit salty, the generous portions more than made up for it: two great big pork chops. The cabbage wasn’t too salty and was really flavorful, with that wonderful sweetness that cabbage gets when it’s cooked. He was probably also using a bit of bacon grease. Yum.

Ron’s black-eyed peas, however, were another story altogether. I’ve been eating black-eyed peas my whole life — over 23, 27 years! —and these were easily the best I’ve ever had. They were so good, in fact, that I got a side order and another piece of cornbread to eat with my leftover pork chop.

But for the life of me I can’t figure out what he did. When I make black-eyed peas I mix a can of peas and a can of stewed tomatoes together and heat ‘em up. The peas get the sweetness of the stewed tomatoes, and Ron’s tasted very similar. But there was no evidence of tomatoes in them. And it wasn’t the ham hock because I’ve used them, too. It was something else.

As I was leaving I told Ron that his black-eyed peas were the best I’d ever eaten. I wanted to ask him what he did but he didn’t seem all that interested in talking to me, even as I was heaping a plethora of praise on his peas. He just said something like “Good,” and promptly disappeared back into the kitchen. So much for learning the secret of Ron’s black-eyed peas.

Ron also made some pretty mean cornbread. Of course, I’m of the mind that there is no such thing as bad cornbread. It’s just that some cornbread is better than others. And Ron’s was definitely some of the better.

Ron’s sweet tea on the other hand sucked … blue whale! Judging by the awful telltale phony lemon aftertaste it was undoubtedly from one of those disgusting mixes formulated by Dow Chemical or Monsanto or some other evil monstrosity masquerading as a people-friendly concern.

The really disappointing thing about Ron’s, however, was me. I should’ve ordered one of that day’s other meat selections: Neck Bones. As I was driving away it occurred to me: neck bones probably taste a lot like ox tails, which I love. Seriously, What’s the difference between neck bones and ox tails? Six feet? Next time I’ll try them and report back.

And so we roll.

Ron’s Family Affair, 526 E. Broadway, West Memphis, Arkansas

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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tio wally travel

Tio Wally Eats America: The Smokey Pokey Restaurant and Bar

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Stillwater, Oklahoma.

Greetings from Stillwater, Oklahoma
N 36° 07.026’  W 097° 20.204’  Elev. 1149 ft.

The distance around the Earth at the equator is approximately 25,000 miles. The average distance from the Earth to the moon is 238,857 miles, nearly ten times as far. Why does this matter? Because over the course of my land-yachting career I have traveled over 750,000 miles.

To put this in perspective, I have traveled enough miles to have gone around the Earth 30 times, and covered enough ground to have gone to the moon and back, and back to the moon again and would now be on my second return trip to Earth. But why does that matter? Because in all those miles I’d never hit a deer; I’ve seen many.

Sure, I ran over and flattened a raccoon once; I killed a formerly dimwitted dog that actually ran in front of me in a fateful and fatal attempt to bite my front bumper while it was moving at 65 m.p.h.; I’ve slammed into three owls; and I once drove through a flock of starlings, which sounded like a burst of industrial popcorn popping. But in all those miles I’d never hit a deer … until recently.

I’m not proud of these statistics. If I could’ve avoided any of them I would’ve — killing critters is not really my gig — but I had no choice in the matter. And while the owls were certainly heartbreaking enough to hit — technically they flew into me — it was the deer that was really crushing, no pun intended.

I was traveling south on I-35 in Oklahoma shortly after 3 a.m. when a beautiful 6 or 8 point buck, truly a deer hunter’s wet dream, came out of nowhere and crossed the Interstate in front of me, head down, determined to get … somewhere. He was not running, but walking. I suspect he had a date; it was that time of year. Unfortunately for both of us, he never made it to his romantic rendezvous, obviously.

So why does this matter? And what does this have to do with food (other than roadkill venison that I did not stop to collect)? Because Bucky screwed up the yacht and I had to stop at the nearest place I could find, hopefully with a mechanic who could bend the bumper mount off of the left front tire. That led me to the Cowboy Travel Plaza at Exit 174, site of (they claim) the Largest Beer Cave in Oklahoma and The Smokey Pokey Restaurant and Bar.

The Smokey Pokey’s main claim to fame is barbecue but, as it was early, I had breakfast as soon as they opened while a Road Service was being located.

They have a pretty decent breakfast deal at the Smokey Pokey. For $8 you get ham, hash browns, a waffle (or short stack of pancakes) and two of the biggest eggs I’ve ever seen in my life. Better yet, they have warm syrup. And it’s pretty dang good, partner.

But even though the ham was great and the humongous over-easy eggs were perfectly cooked, even the warm syrup didn’t assuage my grief and guilt over snuffing Bucky the Stud on Big Deer Date Night. (Sniffle.)

And so we roll.

The Smokey Pokey Restaurant and Bar, I-35 Exit 174, Stillwater, Oklahoma

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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tio wally travel

Tio Wally Eats America: Lisa’s in Moriarty, New Mexico

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Moriarty, New Mexico.

Greetings from Moriarty, New Mexico!
N 35° 00.244  W 106° 01.699  Elev. 6228 ft.

I was headed to Los Lunas, New Mexico … again. Which meant that I had to stop a Lisa’s Truck Center … again. I had to get Chile Rellenos … again. And I wasn’t disappointed … again.

I wrote about Lisa’s recently. The last time I got a to-go order of the rellenos and discovered too late that they’d given me only the red sauce. This time I got what I actually ordered: One with red sauce, one with green sauce.

Both the sauces are great, if somewhat mild. Still, these are some of the best rellenos I’ve run across in my travels. Indeed, I can’t recommend them enough. They’re damn near perfect; I say damn near just in case I find better, which is extremely doubtful. I also got a flour tortilla that could probably cover most of a basketball.

I took more pictures this time. I also went ahead and took pictures of the über-spacious dining room (nine tables!).

All of the food that I saw come out of that tiny hole in the wall (read: kitchen) looked great. And the service was outstanding! (I hesitate to mention this, but my waitress was a true babe. A babetress?

I’m tellin’ y’all, if you’re ever passing through Moriarty, New Mexico make a special stop at Lisa’s. It’s extremely reasonably priced, with generous portions. Great value and Yum Yum Yum.

And so we roll.

Lisa’s Truck Center, 820 Route 66 East, Moriarty, NM

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.

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tio wally travel

Tio Wally Eats America: Braum’s in McPherson, Kansas

I’m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in McPherson, Kansas.

Greetings from McPherson, Kansas!
N 38° 22.221  W 097° 37.699  Elev. 1484 ft.

I made a very, very important discovery: Really good pre-made Tuna and Chicken salads! Both of them are made by Pilgrim’s Pride, which I thought was curious as PP’s main gig is chicken. (Then again, tuna is the chicken of the sea, right?)

I found them both at Braum’s, a family-owned chain of combination ice cream/dairy store, fast-food restaurant, and miniature market located all over Oklahoma and parts of Texas, Kansas, Arkansas, and Missouri.

My initial introduction to Braum’s was less than stellar, to say the least. It was late, I was tired and wanted something hot to eat, fast. So I got a double cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate malt from the Braum’s in Carthage, Missouri.

Well, it smelled good enough and was actually still hot by the time I parked the yacht and set up house (i.e., put up the satellite dish). Then I took a bite of the burger and … jeezus freakin’ christ! It was the saltiest thing I’d had in my mouth since I involuntarily swallowed a gallon of Pacific Ocean as a child. I mean, it was bad. Worse than bad. And to add insult to injury, I was starving to death, so I ended up choking the salt-lick-on-a-bun down anyway, along with the by-then cold fries. Yuk. The malt, while exceptionally delicious, didn’t make up for the abusive burger and cold fries.

My next brush with Braum’s, however, was much more pleasant, not to mention markedly more palatable. I was on I-35 in southern Oklahoma when I ran out of hours and had to stop in Pauls Valley. After I parked I kept watching their little reader board flash “Steak Sandwich $1.99”. Eventually my piqued curiosity peaked and I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to find out what kind of steak they could possibly be selling for two bucks.

The answer turned out to be one of those chicken-fried steak patties like they sell in the frozen food sections of grocery stores, usually in bulk packs. It was actually quite good, served on a hamburger bun — Braum’s has its own very good bakery — with mayonnaise, leaf lettuce and tomato. Very simple and quite delicious really.

While I was waiting for the mystery steak sandwich I wandered over to their little “Fresh Market” section to get a half-gallon of Chocolate Milk ($1.75). They have some of the very best. It’s whole milk, rBGH-free, really thick, creamy and chocolatey. As I was walking to the register I passed the Deli case and discovered the Tuna and Chicken salads (both $3.29/12 oz.).

The Tuna salad is not too wet and has super-crunchy bits of celery in it. It tastes like it also has some sweet pickle relish in it, but I’m not sure as the list of ingredients is truly microscopic; even my evil twin Skippy couldn’t read it. Likewise the Chicken salad is not too wet and has the crunchy celery bits. I bought another tub of Chicken Salad the other day and, unlike the first one, this one says it’s Chunky. Whether it is or not (I haven’t opened it yet) I could see taking it and mixing it with a small can of chunked chicken and easily feeding four adults — just add bread. Talk about good, cheap, and delicious road food!

I can’t recommend these enough. They were so good, in fact, that I went high-end gourmet with both my Tuna and Chicken sandwiches: I bought some green leaf lettuce. A small packet of mayo on the side with the lettuce and BAM! … you’ve got yourself a $7 bistro sandwich even Hilda Lagasse would love.

(So good was it that I even considered buying a $10 toaster. “Ooh, toasted bread,” I thought. Thankfully I regained my senses before I ended up with an appliance I have no desire to stow, much less use regularly.)

I also bought some Mustard Potato Salad ($1.49/16 oz.). It too was really good, not too sweet with nice chunks of potato that weren’t overcooked and, again, the crunchy celery bits. I just added a little pepper to it and, voila, insta-gourmet!

Additionally, I made sort of a curious scientific-ish discovery. In the past I’ve bought Iceberg lettuce and my Coleman Thermoelectric Cooler would promptly freeze it; the cooler is technically a simple (miraculous) heat exchanger. Not only did the leaf lettuce not freeze, it stayed fresh and crisp until I finished the whole head (well over a week!!). I don’t understand the physics involved, but I suspect it’s all a matter of water content and the density of the head or something. Perhaps some food physicist could explain it. Paging Alton Brown ….

And so we roll.

(Note: I took the pictures of the Braum’s in McPherson as it had just opened and was devoid of customers. When I tried to take an up-close picture of the menu-board, however, I was stopped by a woman (the manager?) who said I couldn’t take pictures of it because “some people could alter it and make it say nasty things or something.” I told her I didn’t have PhotoShop; I didn’t tell her “It’s obvious what’s on your mind.”)

Braum’s - 2106 E Kansas Ave. McPherson, Kansas,
with locations throughout the mid- to lower-Midwest.

Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.